Ever felt like the walls are closing in on you? That's how I feel right now. It's 12:30 at night and the only thing keeping me from walking out that door are sleeping in the next two rooms. That's not to say I wouldn't come back, of course I would, but I'd certainly make a run for it, if only for a little while...
Lane has spent most of the day screaming and what time he was calm he kept burying his face in the wedge. I guess I should have reminded him to just breathe too. At times I feel like that's all I can do.
Yesterday our neighbor came over and said she just needed to draw from my strength. She was having a very hard day caring for her mom. She wanted to know how I do it day in and day out. I told her her the truth. I don't know. I know that wasn't the awe inspiring answer she was looking for but it was real. I do it because there is no other choice, because that is what God's plan for my life is, because I love Lane. Why does anyone do what they do?
So Miss Charlotte, I hope your day was better. Mine sucked but if you were able to have a better day today by drawing from whatever strength you think I have, then it was worth it. I have had a long break from hell, I can take a few more days of it if it will ease someone else's burden.
I know this post is more rambling than usual but that's what no food, no sleep, too much alcohol and too much stress gets you. I'm the only one who reads it anyway.
You have no clue as to what someone's life is truly like unless you live it everyday with them. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
