Praise God from whom all blessings flow

Unrelenting disappointment makes the heart sick. Indeed it seems to deaden a part of the spirit. "but a desire fulfilled is like a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12. The kind of life you might have convinced yourself you'd never know again. God gave me one of my heart's greatest desires on December 22, 2009 as Morgan Lellyettte Farris made her entrance into this world. I have prayed for this day for almost 3 years and though ultimately my prayer was answered it was not without some trials. As I look back over the year I am once again amazed at the way God works in my life. On December 20th 2008, I found out we were having a baby. I was so excited but decided to wait until Christmas Eve to tell Will. I couldn't wait to surprise him with this Christmas miracle. I bought him a lighter to engrave the baby's birthdate on and even wrote him a poem to tell him. He was so happy. The hope of new life filled me with so much joy. Christmas Eve was perfect. That night I knew what it meant to sleep in Heavenly peace. On January 23 I went to Dr. Scott and heard the words no mother ever wants to hear. "I'm a little concerned, I can't find the baby's heartbeat". I was sent for a more in depth ultrasound and it was confirmed that there wasn't one there. I walked out of that office numb. Why would God give me what He knew I wanted so badly only to take it from me? Have I not paid my dues with Lane Carter? "Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of thine heart" Hadn't I done that? I held up my end (or so I thought) now where was my prize? Snatched from me before I even really had time to realize what I'd been given. I confided in only 3 people that this had happened. I knew they could help me try to understand that this was God's will. On the 26th of Jan. I went in for my D&C. This experience left me with an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. Time soon healed me physically and for the most part emotionally. Every now & then something would remind me and the sadness would wash over me like an ocean wave but I never let it pull me in. We had genetic testing done to find out what was wrong and if we should try again. Dr. Scott herself called one night with the results. The baby had Trisomy 13 and wouldn't have lived even if it made thru the pregnancy. It would have had many serious health problems as well as being severly delayed. "Do you want to know what it was?" she asked. "Yes" I answered' "It was a little girl" she said. I hung up the phone and tried to take all this in. I guess God knew how hard having 2 special needs kids would be if she even lived and He certainly knew how hard it would be to loose one. So He spared me all the pain, in a way but why put me thru it in the first place? When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to recieve something greater.
Fast forward to March of '09. It worked! I'm having a baby! Now comes the hard part. Trust in the Lord enough to believe it will be healthy. I prayed the same prayer every day. "Lord, let it live and not have Hirschsprung's and please let it be a typically developing baby." With every passing week and good appointment it seemed as if we might be granted a miracle. On August 23, we had a party to reveal what we were having. Mallie cut into the cake to find a pink baby rattle! It's a girl! This was the 1st of many "coincidences". If you know me, you know I don't believe in coincidences. Every thing happens the way it does for a reason. God took one little girl from us only to let us find out that we were being given another one. You see August 23 would have been her due date. Now it's December 20, I wake up feeling sick and uncomfortable. I hurt but didn't know exactly what it was and something was slowly leaking. This was my water breaking but since I've never gone into labor on my own and it wasn't a big gush, I didn't know that's what it was. "Coincidence" #2, December 20 of '08 is when I found out about Angel Baby as we call her. One year ago to the day. And Finally Morgan has a little red spot on the back of her head. Lane had one when he was born and Mallie said it was his angel's kiss. I took great comfort in this thought as he fought to live. It made me feel as if he had someone special watching over him, who I don't know, but someone. I believe Morgan's is from her sister. Just a little reminder that she will always be watching over her until the day comes that we can all meet her. I believe God gave me the little girl He wanted me to have, maybe with many of the same traits as Angel Baby but in a strong and healthy body. Morgan is here, she is "fearfully and wonderfully made", beautiful and healthy. Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow...