Do you know what it's like to go to bed and wonder if it is possibly your child's last night on earth? Probably not. I do. What makes it even more nightmarish is knowing the decision partly lies in your hands. Last Wednesday night I did exactly this for the 2nd time in 7 months. Lane was showing signs of being ready to be extubated on Tuesday but given our decision not to re- intubate

if he couldn't breathe on his own, Dr. Strolher wanted to

make certain he stood the best chance possible. He chose to wait until Thursday. He said if it were any other kid he'd extubate then. I was grateful for his understanding

and compassion. Facebook was flooded with statuses about Lane, requests for prayer. The response was amazing. As I read each one and all the responses, some from people that we don't even know, I was once again reminded of how many lives this child has touched. Kristi even made Lane's picture her profile pic. It's very humbling to see so many people love your baby. Except that Lane has never been "my" baby. He's always been "our" baby. So many people have taken care of and loved Lane from day one. I'm honored to share him with so many wonderful people.

Making the decision to let your baby go if the only way he can stay is to be intubated or have a trach or have medicine keeping his BP at level that can sustain life is hell. It takes courage, selflessness, strength, love and an enormous amount of faith. These are all things that child has taught me. Watchn your baby struggle to breathe, seeing the fear in those blue eyes when normally he shows no fear, knowing he's tired, is hell.

I went to bed that night with surrender that I don't know what's best but He does, thankful for the blessing that is Lane's spirit and tenacity.

Amidst the unbelievable sadness was the peace that a God who knows us before we are in our mother's womb would never, and will never look away.

"Please God, hear the prayers of many tonight".